Monday, July 28, 2008

Boobie Trap

Today I felt like I had laid down on the driveway, someone had attached a pulley to my nipples and stretched my boobs across the driveway and then George drove over them with the car! Yup I had a mammogram today!! For those of you ladies who have already had one, you know of what I speak, For those of you who have never had one, lucky you but your turn is coming for this torture. I believe a man invented this machine designed to flatten, squeeze and pinch a woman's boobs til they hang to her knees all in the name of medicine. They give you a gown that ties in the back then tell you to untie it and slip it off one shoulder to take the mammogram- what do you think happens when you do that???? Duh- it falls off and there you stand half naked in a cold room. You figure it out. Then you ask you to stand here, place your arm here, turn just little bit to the left,no the other left, can you lean back a little bit, OK now don't breathe, oh right, breathe. Then we get the indignity of repeating this all over again for the other boob. I swear if I ever find the man who decided this was the best way to determine if a woman had any cancer in her breasts, I will personally thank him in a way he will never forget.
Men beware, someday a woman will invent a machine that will squeeze some part of your anatomy for health reasons. Then you will know how we feel. For now, I am going home turning on the air compressor and pumping up these puppies until the next time.

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