To My Daughter Carrin

Today is my first born's birthday. 36 years ago today- I gave birth to one of the most beautiful baby girls I had ever seen. It was love at first sight- On my part any way- I have no idea what she thought of me.
In a way it's a little bittersweet because as she gets older, so do I.
I love all my children equally and in their own way. They are all individuals and as different as can be. It sometimes amazes me that I could have carried, born and raised 3 children in the same house, that turned out so different. Then I realize that is what makes them who they are.

Your first born is always the experiment. They don't come with directions and you really aren't prepared for them. Considering I was an 18 year old, single mother trying to raise Carrin on my own I really wasn't prepared for her. We sort of grew up together. I remember one time I took a nap when Carrin did but she woke up first. When I finally woke up she was decorated from one end of her body to the other with my make up! Good thing it was only my make up! Sometimes I am amazed that she made it at all but then again I realize that she took care of me those first two and a half years as much as I took care of her.

After I married the man who became her father, we really became over protective of her. She wasn't allowed to walk across the street without me standing at the corner watching her til I couldn't see her anymore, she could only ride her bike on the sidewalk in front of our house because we were afraid she would hurt herself (so of course when she had a bike accident and had to have stitches, she lied) and when she went to school which was only a block away, I had her so scared of strangers, she wouldn't accept a ride from a classmates mother in a snow storm because she didn't know who they were! Naturally, she wasn't allowed to shave her legs, pluck her eyebrows or date until she was 16! This lead to sneaking around and lying and a couple of car accidents cuz she was in the wrong place at the wrong time! Of course she thought her father and I were too dumb to know what was really going on!!!!

Eventually, she grew up, had some kids of her own and once in a while I even hear some of me coming out of her mouth when she talks to her kids. So I know she listened to me and retained some things I said when she was younger. I am proud of her and what she has accomplished with her life. She has 3 wonderful children and is helping to raise her fiance's son. They all know they are loved fiercely and are strong independent individuals because that is how she was raised. She is a daughter any mother would be proud to call their own but only I get that honor.

Carrin- Happy Birthday baby girl! May you have many more and may they all be wonderful!

I've Got A Secret

I actually have a third child! I know you're all surprised right? I haven't talked about her
before so how could you know she existed?

I've posted about the daughter who is engaged and getting married.
(That's my first born by the way) and I've done a couple of posts about
my son who I am currently estranged from (that's my baby by the way). The child I have never devoted an entire post to is my middle child, Bear, so you didn't know she existed. Until now that is........

It isn't that I forgot I have another child, I think about her almost everyday and I email her at least 2-3 times a week. And up until this past week, we talked on the phone at least a couple times a week. What happened this past week you ask? Well, to add to the feelings that I have forgotten her, all of a sudden her phone calls (yes just hers and no one elses) would not ring through on my cell phone. Sounds like a conspiracy to me what do you think? I am happy to report this problem has now been fixed and her calls are now ringing through.

You can see how much George and I love her - we didn't even try to break the headlock she had us in when this picture was taken. Just kidding. Bear (this is my pet name for her and has been for as long as I can remember), is a middle child and as such often gets overshadowed by older and younger siblings. I know because I too am a middle child. Sometimes we have to make a little noise to remind people we're around.

What she doesn't realize is how special a middle child is and what they teach a parent. Bear, you had to learn patience at an early age because your older sister demanded my attention at times and you had to wait. You wore hand me downs quite often ( but not always because I sewed and made new things for you)and never complained. You never got to do anything FIRST (that was always your sister's right) but you did get to do things at an earlier age because we learned from your sister. You taught us it was OK to cross the street by yourself before you graduated from high school and that nothing would happen. You helped me understand the world wouldn't collapse if I let you go to bed with a dirty face and hands. You made me realize that if a dog would lick your face you wouldn't get sick. I learned to take one day at a time with you my middle child and realized that being a parent could be fun.

Bear has grown into a strong, independent, beautiful young woman. (I like to think I had a little something to do with that). She still calls her Mommy when she needs advice or comfort though. She has a heart as big as Texas and would do anything for anyone in need. She loves children, especially her nieces and nephews and can often be found doing things with them or taking them for a weekend just to spend time with them. To all the little kids in our family she is known as Tah Tah. If you ask them about her using her real name they do not know who you are talking about, but use the name Tah Tah and you will hear shouts of joy from any child in our family.

Bear recently became a dog owner (or he became her owner- not quite sure on this one yet) to Buddy. He has made a big difference in her life these past few months. He does have an alcohol problem that we are trying to address before it gets worse. Seems he likes his beer and whenever Bear takes him somewhere there is beer, he expects to have some. He has been known to overindulge once in a while. Other than that, he is a great companion for her.

Last summer Bear caught her first BIG fish while up at the cottage. She was ecstatic and after naming him, capturing him on film and blogging about him, she ate him! She has now been bitten by the fishing bug and I can't wait to get her back up there this year to have her try again!

So Bear, even if I don't say it often, or don't devote a whole blog to you (or more than one), and you think I have forgotten you, just remember- without you, our family would not be complete. There has to be a Beginning a Middle and an End. So you are vitally important to our family being what it is.

My secret is out now and you all know I have not 1, not 2, but 3 children so I can never forget to talk about them all again.
From now on, No More Secrets.