Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Can I Help You Carry That?

Ever carried this around on your shoulders? I have many times.
I have been guilty of neglecting my laundry once in a while.
I have been guilty of being a bad friend -not returning phone calls and emails in a timely manner.
I have been guilty of not getting my schoolwork done when I was supposed to because I wanted to watch DWTS.
I have been guilty of neglecting my flower beds and letting the weeds overtake them because I was just too lazy to get out there and pull them.
I have been guilty of hiding new clothes in the back of my closet and then telling my husband when he ask "Is that new?" No, I've had this for a long time.
What have you been guilty of? Nothing ? Anything? Lots of things?
One things I carry lots of guilt about is whether I was and am a good mother.
I have a son that went through a lot of tough times after my divorce and now he hasn't talked to me since last July. All because of something very small, but to him it was a big deal. I miss him and keep trying to make ammends but don't know if I'll ever see him again. Am I a bad mother?
Yesterday, I had an argument with one of my daughters. Again over something small and when it was all over I had to ask myself if it was a battle I really needed to fight? Was I a bad mother because of this?
Had I damaged my children in some way when they were younger because of the divorce? Will their lives forever be messed up because of me? I decided I could give a seminar and teach all mothers everywhere how to do the guilt thing correctly.
I would call it : Dealing With Mommy Guilt-Learn to Live With It!
(Had to delete the logo I had here-found out it was copyrighted-Damn I just thought it was cute who knew I had a chance of getting arrested for using it?)
This is a subject every mother instinctively learns the moment she walks out of the hospital with that newborn. Have you put your baby in the carseat and forgotten to buckle them in? Have you feed them and not burped them so they got air and had a tummy ache? Did you let them lay in their crib and cry for a while before you picked them up? Yup, you all know Mommy Guilt! Come join my seminar and learn all the tricks of the trade.
What fascinates me though is the person who wrote this book. She obviously doesn't have children herself or she would never be able to write a book entitled:
Motherhood Without Guilt

Who is she kidding? Any mother who has raised children knows there is no such thing! If you have raised children the right way, you have guilt and lots of it! I ask myself every day if there was something I could have done differently or better? Maybe if I had bought them this toy or had a better birthday party or let them stay up later on Saturday night. Maybe if I just loved them more?
Nope that wasn't it- loved them as much as I possibly could.
So I guess I am doomed to carry around Mommy Guilt til the day I die cause I'll be a mommy til then. And as long as I'm a mommy, I'll always wonder if I'm doing something wrong?
So hoist that guilt up here so I can get a good grip on it cause I have a while to carry it around yet.


Jane! said...

That's so sad about your son. I hope he gets over it soon. He'll certainly understand that parents aren't perfect if he becomes one.
As much as parents like to think they are responsible for what their children become, I think it is about 75% crap shoot. We try to do our best but kids are individuals.
Even the best coaches lose games.
Is that enough platitudes for one day? Gah! I think I'm becoming my mother.

Debbie said...

I have a post written for tomorrow about mommy guilt and how we beat ourselves up. We do all have a whopping dose of it, don't we?