The Naked Truth

While on vacation, my friend and I often found ourselves in the role of Fashion Police!

When growing up my mother used to tell me "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" Some of the things we saw people wearing at the resort just had nothing nice that could be said about them. They would have been better off going NAKED!

Here are some of the Fashion Offenses we saw in the week we were there.

1. Black Woman- this lady wore nothing that was not the color black- come on lady- it's 90 f-ing degrees outside and you're wearing black? It wouldn't have been so bad if it had been fashionable but usually it was old, faded and something from her mothers generation. Every day we watched for her to see if just maybe she would wear a different color and lo and behold on day she did~ she wore a dark brown shirt with her black skirt!

2. Crochet Lady- this lady had the same dress in different colors. A short shift type dress with a crocheted cover over the top of it. One day it was green, then burgundy, etc. She did spice it up by wearing shorts in between times tho.

3. Tube top Momma- This mother of a young teenager wore what we liked to call a long tube top. Each night we were treated to a different variety. Usually strapless, all very form fitting and extremely short (barely covered the essentials)! Some were leopard print and some were solid in color she wasn't particular that way. She completed the outfit with hooker heels. It was a real treat to see what she had on each night. Linda and I laughed our asses off every night. We did feel sorry for the daughter at first until we saw how she dressed and then decided - like mother- like daughter.

4. Lolita- this little lady probably carried everything she took on vacation in her purse- that's how small it all was. The dresses and skirts she wore barely covered her butt cheeks and if she sneezed we would have seen what the good lord gave her. The tops (if you want to call them that) she wore were either very short or plunged to her navel. She wore white heels with her denim short shorts and a tank top- that's a no no honey!

5. Big Guy- this man thought he was cool without his shirt most of the time and believe me when I say- he wasn't. He had a gut on him that hung over his belt and man boobs that just weren't nice to see. He could have used a good bra to hold them up. Usually when he did wear a shirt he left it half unbuttoned so still saw the belly.

Then there were all the women on the beach wearing bikinis and letting it all hang out! Believe me I'm no prize when it comes to the body but even I know when to duck and hide. Some women just don't care- they put it all out there when on vacation. Maybe it's because they are in a foreign country where no one knows them and they will never see them again.

You see the same with the men too. Little speedos on bodies that should go no where near them and sometimes they are hidden by big ole hairy beer bellies and until they actually walk past you and you see the behind, you wonder if they are wearing anything at all. It's hilarious!

This is our favorite past time when we go on vacation and it amuses us for hours. I a m sure there is someone doing the same thing to us but I don't care. I am confident enough in my style sense that if they do point at me they are probably saying " wow, look at that woman, doesn't she look great?" Conceited? I call it self confident. The day I don't think I look good is the day I go naked.