Satisfaction

I swore I wouldn't come here anymore.
I know I told you yesterday was the last time. I can't keep doing this! I can not see you twice a day, every day!
I promised myself that whatever hold you had one me was over, yet here I am again standing before you with sweating palms, trembling, my eyes darting back and forth to see if anyone else notices that I am here.

Why am I so drawn to you?

I gaze upon you slowly, wandering over you from top to bottom, memorizing your every detail. I reach out and slowly run my hands over your smoothness as I try to make my decision to stay or go. You have held me captive for so many months, day after day I have been a slave to you. Usually, I have to visit you twice a day. I just can not stay away from you. I feel so guilty after I see you and I swear it won't happen again. Yet I come back the next day and the day after that. How do I break this habit?

What do I do today? What will my decision be?

B3-Three Musketeer Bar. Damn Vending Machines!

Can't live with em Can't live without em!


It's Tuesday so that means Deb and Jay's Tributes. So make your decision and go check them out to read others and find your satisfaction.

Awww.....Love is in the Air

I am a mother and as such I reserve the right to do things like this even if it embarasses the hell out of my children. My daughter is engaged to be married and this is her engagement announcement that appeared in our local paper. At the time I placed the announcement they had not chosen a date, but they have now decided on June 25, 2010.

(I have deleted last names from here because you just can't be too cautious today with all the identity theft that goes on.)

I am so proud of all my children and when they do something to celebrate I am all for shouting from the rooftops. You better believe that on the day she gets married I will busting my buttons and you won't be able to stop the smiles and the tears.

Congratulations Carrin and Todd.

All Psyched Up

Did you know your brain has dendrites, axons and neurons? That as you get older you need more sleep and not less? That every one dreams every night even if you don't remember it? That we can be conditioned to anticipate something before it happens after being subjected to it repeatedly?

This semester I am taking Introduction to Psychology. What you might ask does psychology have to do with a Business degree? Good question. I asked myself that question too when I first started taking the class.
We use our brains for many different things and in many different ways without even realizing it. They are like an electrical circuits running throughout our body sending messages and current to different parts of our body so we can function.
Our senses are tied into psychology by how we perceive things. How we make our decisions of what something tastes like, looks like, or sounds like is tied into our brains and thus relates to psychology.
Some of our famous psychologists think we are who we are due to the environment we grow up in, some think it is due to our drive to become better people, and some think it is due to evolution. Then there is Freud, we all know who he is right? Freud determined that all men (and women) problems stemmed from memories from their childhood. And not just any memories but sexual memories.
I have learned that the brain tells us when we are hungry- yup my sure does that quite often. Wish to hell I could find the button to shut that off.
I have learned that the brain tells us when we are full- haven't quite heard that one yet and if I have it must be whispering it because I've been able to ignore it pretty good.
I have learned that the brain determines when men and women want to have sex- this usually isn't at the same time for some odd reason. You'd think the brain could at least get this synchronized so we were on the same page at the same time.
I have learned that the brain tells us when we are tired- Lately my brain tells me that is all the time. I never seem to catch up.
I have learned that the brain remembers things- Not so my brain. It forgets more than it remembers lately. In fact by the time I am done with this post, I'll probably forget why I started it in the first place.
I guess this still doesn't answer the question as to what psychology has to do with a Business degree but it's a required class so I just shut up and take it. It sure is different from all of my business classes though. I actually have to use my brain to think about my brain.

Pleasing Miss Daisy

I Used to Think....

I had to please everybody.

When I was younger I tried very hard to be the daughter my parents wanted but I wasn't very good at it. I disappointed them time after time. I saw it when I got bad grades, when I got sent home from school for causing trouble, when I hung around with kids they told me not to and finally when I got pregnant.

As I got older and married, I tried to be the wife I thought I was supposed to be. I cooked homemade bread, cookies and candies. Made the kids clothes. Hosted family dinners and birthday parties for the kids. Learned how t fish and let him buy a boat. If he didn't like the color of my hair I changed it. If he didn't like the length, I cut it. If he told me I was fat, I didn't eat. I did whatever I thought a good wife was suppose to do. Obviously this didn't work out either because my husband left me for another woman.

I tried to please the people at work. Putting in my 40 hours and then some because I was a single parent now. I did whatever they asked and I would even volunteer things. I loved the computer (still do as you can see) and helped create and write a program to do the staffing for the hospital. Once this was done and I helped train people in how to work the program, they fired my ass! They called it eliminating my job due to having the computer program to do it. So I just finessed myself out of a job!! Terrific!

I then went through a phase where I tried to please the guys I was dating but that didn't work out so great either so I gave up on dating altogether and just concentrated on putting my life back on track. I did this, met Hubbs, got married and am finally very happy because I finally figured out that the only person I have to please is ME! (and once in a while Hubbs).

Now head over to Mamakat's to see who else used to.... and what they used to do.

Grilling Out

Tuesday's Tribute by Jay and Deb is all about something or someone other than yourself.
Good or bad it doesn't matter what your tribute is, as long as you don't talk about yourself.

Close your eyes and open your mouth. Now take a bite and as you slowly chew, savor the delicious mouth watering taste of the juicy beef fresh off the grill. Can you taste it? Isn't it wonderful?

Last night we grilled hamburgers out on the grill for the first time since last fall. There is nothing better than the taste of that first hamburger cooked on the grill after winter has gone. I live in Wisconsin where the winters are long, hard and produce lots of snow so usually my grill is buried from November until March. When the temperature reached 60 yesterday, I called Hubbs and said, "crank up the grill, we're cooking out tonight!" Those burgers were the best things I have eaten in a long time. Since we have a short time frame to enjoy the grill, we use it as much as possible for just about everything from burgers to roasts.

So now that we have officially christened the grill for this year, it will be getting a lot of use. It makes winter officially over as far as I'm concerned.

The Day the Music Died

WooHoo it's Writers Workshop Time over at MamaKats and you all know what that means. I get to choose a prompt and write about something that will fascinate you.

So this is the one I chose today: 6.) Write about the event that was the end of your childhood

The year is 1972, small town USA, college campus and I was 18.

T-R-O-U-B-L-E!

Add to this mix alcohol, young males of all makes and models, no curfew and living off campus in an apartment with my older sister and this just spelled disaster from the beginning.

I was there on a scholarship that was granted at the last minute and so I hadn't really planned any of this. I had a work study job for one of the professors and I also worked at a little eating place on campus. In between classes, I partied hard with my friends.

Life was good- Right?

Then a boy I knew (he was actually my cousin's ex boyfriend that I had always had a crush on) who had been in Viet Nam let me know he was coming home. I had written to him while he was in Viet Nam , partly because of the crush thing and partly because I thought it was a nice thing to do. I never dreamed he would look me up once he came home. Anyway the next thing I know, there he is on my doorstep.

My children should cover their eyes for this next part as they should not read this about their mother-

For the next 3 days, it is non stop drinking and sex for us. Hey what can I say- I was 18 and he was a man in uniform straight out of Viet Nam! Nothing sexier than that. And yes I was underage but it's amazing what you could get away with back then. Besides, he wasn't underage so he could buy and remember, I lived off campus so we spent alot of time in my apartment. Didn't leave my room much if you know what I mean.

Long story short a few weeks later, I'm barfing up my breakfast, lunch and dinner almost every day and can't understand what the hell is wrong with me. Can you say -PREGNANT?

I was in a state of denial at first cuz that couldn't happen to me. You know, it was my first time. It only happens to others not me. All those things went through my head. Then I faced reality and told him- he denied he was the father and wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. The Army would have helped me fight him and get support, but I figured if he was such an ass he didn't deserve to be part of this baby's life. So I quit school and with the help and support of my wonderful family I became a single mother at 19.

Eventually I met and married a man who helped me raise my daughter as his own and we had 2 other children together but for the first 2 1/2 years of her life I had to grow up fast. I was all she had. It's scary knowing a child is depending on you for things when you are still a child yourself.

Do I regret it- Not one moment. I wouldn't have the most wonderful daughter a mother could ask for if I changed anything. She changed my life in so many ways and I love her for it.

So grow up, quit being such a whiner and head over to Mamkats to read some other great stories of childhood endings.

All Things Barbie

We all heard it on the news this week. Everywhere you turned, there it was plastered all over television.

Barbie turned 50! BITCH!

Did you see her? She doesn't look a day older than she did back in 1959.

There isn't a wrinkle on her face anywhere, those eyes were just as slanty as they always were. And I couldn't find an age spot even with a magnifying glass!

There were no varicose veins in her legs and every woman knows if you wear heels every day for that many years you're bound to have them. Did she have them stripped? And if so where are the scars?

Where is the pouch belly we all get at that certain age? Even without having children you get it just from over eating and we all know if you run a round dating as much as Barbie does you eat a lot. She should have some fat and cellulite somewhere on that body!

And what about those perky little boobies??? Shouldn't they be sagging by this time? Ladies, those of us over 50 are our boobies that perky yet? NO of course not, so why are Barbies? She should be having to pick those babies up every morning and stuff them into her bra and when she takes that same bra off every night, those babies should drop to the floor! Instead they are standing at attention yet at age 50! Something isn't right here.

How many of us have an ass that good at 50? Even if you do squats every day it isn't gonna look like that, I guaran damn tee it!

I love Barbie and had many as a young girl. I spent hours playing with her and dreamed of becoming her when I grew up. I bought Barbie for both my daughters when they were old enough to play with her. She is a legend among girls. But lets get real here. What kind of a role model is she?

I have to be brutally honest and say I think Barbie has had some Plastic work done over the years. You can't get to 50 and still look like that with out some help. Sorry Barbie that's just my opinion.

Instructions Not Included

30 years ago this month the doctor said those words every parent wants to hear, "Run for your life because it will never be the same after today!"

Actually what he did say was, "Congratulations, it's a BOY!" Same difference but what the hell.

I had 2 beautiful, sweet, quiet, well behaved little girls at home.What was I supposed to do with a boy? I didn't know what to do with that thing between his legs when I changed him. Every time I took his diaper off it went straight up in the air and started leaking! Was there a shut off valve somewhere on this kid? And then before I even left the hospital they circumcised him! Thank God I'm not Jewish because I've carried enough guilt over that already! Poor Baby!

Take him home and please don't make him wear anything remotely pink, purple or lacey. Back then we didn't have the ultrasounds that told you the sex of the baby so I had no idea what I was having and wasn't prepared for a boy. The clothes I had were hand me downs from his sisters. Thank goodness there were some sleepers in there that were yellow otherwise he might be even more traumatized than he already is from being cut!

A whole new experience for me after 2 girls let me tell you. What they say is true. Boys are definitely different to raise then girls. From the very beginning he was going to let me know things were going to be his way. He was a cute baby but he liked attention and cried when he wanted something. Man did he have a temper!!! He still does to this day.

Being the baby I tended to spoil him a little and I will be the first to admit that. Probably didn't do him any favors but I think all mothers tend to spoil their babies. He got into some trouble as he got older and after our divorce there was some drugs involved. Guess it was kind of tough being the only guy (at the young age of 13) in a houseful of females. I sure didn't know how to be a male role model for him then.

We went through some rough times for a while. Then he straightened up and seemed to be headed on the right path for a while. He moved to Iowa about 3 years ago which has been rough on me (now all 3 of my children live in either Nebraska or Iowa and hundreds of miles from me) cuz this is my baby. Last summer he had one of his moods and left a party we had while visiting down there and he hasn't talked to me since. I have continued to send him Christmas cards and presents and I even tried texting him with no response.

I just sent him a Birthday card and present and will continue to let him know I love him.

Why don't t they give us instruction booklets with these babies when we have them? We get one with every other thing we buy. And God knows we pay enough over our lifetime for our kids. If not in money with our emotions. Maybe if I could look up in the troubleshooting section, I could figure out what to do with my son and how to fix it? The again, maybe not.

Happy 30Th Birthday to my Baby! No matter what you do you can't change that.

Slipping Away

It's Writers Workshop time over at MamaKat's and this week one of the prompts caught my eye right away.

3.) Describe a memorable camping experience.

When my children were very young we used to do a lot of camping with them. We didn't have a lot of money so couldn't afford a fancy camper but had one of these pop up tent campers. You know the kind I'm talking about? OK, OK so you weren't born back then and have no idea what a pop up camper is! Jeez give me a break. I know I'm old but They looked like a little box when all folded up but once you opened them and POPPED up the tent part, they magically became big enough to walk around in? Ours was really a bare bones kind of tent camper. It had the beds on both sides and the table in the middle but no fridge or stove etc. The kids didn't care because they only slept in it. They were too busy being outside playing to care.

This was the early 80's when my kids were 6 , 2 and the baby was about 6 months old. We would go camping almost every weekend, usually somewhere close to home but still where there was water for swimming and sand for playing. During the day the kids would be outside all day, running around playing and having a good time. Early on I used to think I had to run around behind them with a wash cloth and wash their face and hands ( I know dumb right- we're in a sand filled campsite). I soon learned that a little dirt and sand didn't kill them so they got a lick and a promise right before they went to bed each night and that was good enough until we went home on Sunday.

Anyway this particular camping trip, we had settled in, opened up the camper, and set up for the weekend. The two oldest and their dad had gone off in search of greater things and I was left at the campsite with the 6 month old baby to make lunch. Our sister in law and her family were a couple campsites over they came to share lunch with us.

After lunch, I put the baby down for his nap and while the little ones played the adults sat around the campfire and BS'd and drank a few beers. Pretty soon the baby started screaming so the adults all ran to the camper to see what was wrong! We couldn't find him! He wasn't laying on the bed where I had left him, he wasn't on the floor and he wasn't wrapped in any of the blankets. Yet we could still hear him screaming! What had happened to my baby!! Where was he??

We found him between the tent and the side of the camper just kind of hanging there. Seems he had rolled over and slipped through the opening left where the tent doesn't quite meet the camper. Thank God he was chubby enough he hadn't fallen completely through or he might have gotten hurt when he hit the ground. As it was, he was just scared- and so was I. Needless to say from then on, I put plenty of blankets and pillows around the side of the camper before putting him down for his nap and checked on him often.

That is one camping trip I have never forgotten

and a story that got told often.

Now pitch your tent over at Mamakat's and sit around the campfire to hear other stories bloggers have to tell. They fun to read.

My Take on Reality

I am not a big reality TV show watcher but I sort of followed this seasons Bachelor off and on because I hated how Deanna treated Jason at the end of last season. He was a single dad and seemed like such a sweet, honest guy who really wanted to find love and get married. When they brought him back as this seasons bachelor I wanted him to find his true love and a step mom for Ty and get married. You know that fairy tale ending we all want.

I didn't watch every episode because they are so staged and boring. You can only take so much of one guy dating 25 girls and them being bitchy about him hooking up with one of the girls. Give me a break! Any way, I waited til it got down to the last couple shows and he had picked his 3 girls, Jillian, Melissa and Molly. I really liked Jillian and Melissa for Jason. I thought Molly was too fake and really wasn't there for the right reasons. When Jason sent Jillian home and kept Molly and Melissa I rooted for Melissa all the way.

I started to hear rumors that the ending of the show was fixed and that the outcome had been decided months in advance by Jason and ABC. He chooses Melissa, proposes to her but then on the After the Rose show (on live TV) he dumps her and gets back with Molly. I figured this couldn't be true. ABC wouldn't do this. I decided to watch the show and see if this actually happened.

Sweet honest Jason, who had his heart broken by Deanna wouldn't hurt and humiliate Melissa on live TV like that. Would he??

Sure as shit that SOB did just that! I couldn't believe what I saw and heard. And then when he meets with Molly, she forgives him, takes him back and they are kissy, kissy just minutes after he has dumped Melissa. Does Molly realize she's second best?? Does she not have any self respect for herself? Honey I would have told the man "If I'm not good enough to be your first choice, you ain't good enough for me! Take a hike!"

I WILL NEVER WATCH THIS SHOW AGAIN!!! EVER !!
I saw we all band together and boycott the Bachelor.
I hope Melissa has enough sense not to come back as the Bachelorette.

I am so mad at ABC and the Bachelor I could just SPIT!