The Naked Truth

While on vacation, my friend and I often found ourselves in the role of Fashion Police!

When growing up my mother used to tell me "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" Some of the things we saw people wearing at the resort just had nothing nice that could be said about them. They would have been better off going NAKED!

Here are some of the Fashion Offenses we saw in the week we were there.

1. Black Woman- this lady wore nothing that was not the color black- come on lady- it's 90 f-ing degrees outside and you're wearing black? It wouldn't have been so bad if it had been fashionable but usually it was old, faded and something from her mothers generation. Every day we watched for her to see if just maybe she would wear a different color and lo and behold on day she did~ she wore a dark brown shirt with her black skirt!

2. Crochet Lady- this lady had the same dress in different colors. A short shift type dress with a crocheted cover over the top of it. One day it was green, then burgundy, etc. She did spice it up by wearing shorts in between times tho.

3. Tube top Momma- This mother of a young teenager wore what we liked to call a long tube top. Each night we were treated to a different variety. Usually strapless, all very form fitting and extremely short (barely covered the essentials)! Some were leopard print and some were solid in color she wasn't particular that way. She completed the outfit with hooker heels. It was a real treat to see what she had on each night. Linda and I laughed our asses off every night. We did feel sorry for the daughter at first until we saw how she dressed and then decided - like mother- like daughter.

4. Lolita- this little lady probably carried everything she took on vacation in her purse- that's how small it all was. The dresses and skirts she wore barely covered her butt cheeks and if she sneezed we would have seen what the good lord gave her. The tops (if you want to call them that) she wore were either very short or plunged to her navel. She wore white heels with her denim short shorts and a tank top- that's a no no honey!

5. Big Guy- this man thought he was cool without his shirt most of the time and believe me when I say- he wasn't. He had a gut on him that hung over his belt and man boobs that just weren't nice to see. He could have used a good bra to hold them up. Usually when he did wear a shirt he left it half unbuttoned so still saw the belly.

Then there were all the women on the beach wearing bikinis and letting it all hang out! Believe me I'm no prize when it comes to the body but even I know when to duck and hide. Some women just don't care- they put it all out there when on vacation. Maybe it's because they are in a foreign country where no one knows them and they will never see them again.

You see the same with the men too. Little speedos on bodies that should go no where near them and sometimes they are hidden by big ole hairy beer bellies and until they actually walk past you and you see the behind, you wonder if they are wearing anything at all. It's hilarious!

This is our favorite past time when we go on vacation and it amuses us for hours. I a m sure there is someone doing the same thing to us but I don't care. I am confident enough in my style sense that if they do point at me they are probably saying " wow, look at that woman, doesn't she look great?" Conceited? I call it self confident. The day I don't think I look good is the day I go naked.

Saga of the Suitcase

This is a picture of the four of us on vacation the night we celebrated my birthday (I'm the short one) at a restaurant set in the cliffs high above the ocean.

In the next few blogs I will tell you all about the vacation. Today we start with the story of my suitcase. I have to start by going back two years when I decided the suitcase I was using wasn't big enough any more and I went out and bought a really huge big suitcase that would meet my needs

I found one that was just perfect and I could pack everything I needed into it and still have room left. I was in love!! I then had a carry on that I used and this meant I could buy things on vacation and have room to bring them back! This particular suitcase was going on it's second vacation this year so was still new and as i told you all in a previous post I was not so well prepared this year and was packing frantically at the last minute. I did manage to get everything in there and it was all nicely done (I'm a control freak and like things just so).

We get to the airport that morning and check in. This isall done electronically now (even international flights) so I had to do all the work for them. What are we paying the airlines so

much for I wonder? Anyway after that is done we have to check are bags. Now when my suitcase goes in, it is all in one piece and in good shape right? Remember this for later. We go through the check point and everyone passes this one with flying colors.

Flight is OK and on time and we arrive in Manzanillo, Mexico to 84 degrees and sunshine! We are in heaven and ready to start vacation! First we have to get through customs and get our luggage. Customs is no problem, they look at me, they look at my passport and send me through. Go to get my suitcase and that nice, new piece is now missing a wheel and beat up. Yup, they broke it, so here I am going thump, thump through the airport. next you have to push this button to see if they are going to search your luggage. Red they do, green they don't. I get Red - first time in 10 years of international travel. So up on a table goes poor little suitcase, unzip her and they paw through her looking for god knows what cuz I sure couldn't have put anything illegal in there with the amount of clothes I had stuffed n there. If they knew me they would realize this. So me and my suitcase finally make it to this beautiful resort you see over here. By the way that is my balcony ledge you see in the picture.

This is the view I saw off my balcony every day. Tough to do I know but I suffered just so I could come back and tell you guys how hard it was. My poor battered suitcase sat in the corner of a gorgeous suite on the fifth floor for seven days recuperating form the trauma she endured at the hands of the airline.

We enjoyed many great days of wonderful weather (all about 90 and sunny) and ate and drank great food and alcohol. I will go into that in more detail in future posts for today is all about suitcase. We eventually had to leave paradise and make our way back home for some ungodly reason (no one has really told me why yet) so I had to pull the suitcase back out to repack.

Now this is much easier than the first time because clothes have been worn and I am not so careful in how I fold dirty clothes versus clean ones. Everything was stuffed in there including all the souvenirs, my makeup, curling iron, straight iron, shoes, jewelry, etc. You get the picture- just about everything right? The only thing I put in my carry on was my medication and the ceramic pottery I bought.

We go through the check in process again and they search my luggage this time. I see them tag it and along with my husband's suitcase they are put on the conveyor belt to go on the plane. Next we go through the process of flight preparation. International flights are different than regualr ones becausse they will search you several times before you actually get on the plane. This time we are allin line to have carry on searched again, when I am pulle aside, sent to the head of the line and mine are searched, I am gone over with the wand and they make me take off my shoes, jacket, sunglasses,etc. Do I look like a terrorist? What I turn 55 and suddenly I look scary?? We finally get on the plane and make it back to Minnesota, where it is Freakin cold! What's with the snow people? We get through customs with no problems this time and go to get our luggage.

We stand at the lugage thinga nd it starts up, here comes Hubbs. Then Al's and finally Linda's. We watch and wait but we don't see the cripple suitcase coming through. Eventually all the suitcases are accounted for and the wheel stops going around and stillmine has not come throug. You're kidding me right? This is a joke. Where the F is my suitcase guys??

THEY LOST MY Fing SUITCASE!!!

Now I had to go report this and hope they find it. It's probably off having it's own vacation after all that was done to it. So I will keep you all posted on the sage of the suitcase. I will let you know if and when I get it. For now I am without half my underwear and my make up. Two of the most important things I need. I can probably survive without the underwear but the make up is a must.

Keep you fingers crossed that it shows up soon. All the grandkids souvenirs are in there and I hate to disappoint them.