Drunk and Disorderly

Someone please explain to me why it is that when you put a group of women together for a weekend away they tend to get really rowdy?
Is it because we are husbandless, childless and responsibility free for two whole days? All I can tell you is that this busload of over 100 women that went to State bowling tournament this past weekend were flippen PARTY ANIMALS!!!! I am Lucky to be alive today (and actually I'm really not too sure I am).

First of all, there was enough food brought to feed a third world country! You would have thought we were going somewhere out in the boonies where there were no restaurants and no access to food. Bags of food and coolers on wheels full of food were brought on board that bus Saturday morning and every type of food imaginable was passed around and sampled by all.

Of course there was beer and alcohol in them there coolers too! Can't forget the important stuff now can we? Our team had bought a gallon of homemade Apple Pie and we vowed we were going to have that sucker gone before the weekend was over! The bus pulled out of the parking lot at 7:02 a.m. and by 7:30 the first drinks had been poured and the first beers had been opened. Way to go Girls! And we hadn't even started to bowl yet!!! I waited to have my first shot until 8:30 and then it was fair game after that.

We stopped for one hour to eat, shop or whatever about 10:00 then it was back on the bus on on to the bowling alley. We arrived there just before noon and didn't have to bowl until 1:00 so once we checked in we had time to do some more drinking (hey, what else were we going to do?). We bowled 6 games (singles and then doubles) and you can earn madi gras beads by drinking shots or other specialty drinks or doing "something creative" for the waiter. We had a few shots and tried to be creative but our waiter was a real dud and was not much fun so not a lot of beads for us even tho we tried our damnedest.

Done at 5:00 (bowling that is not drinking), then on to the hotel and dumped our stuff in our room then went out looking for a place to eat supper and have a few more to drink. Can you say "Idiots!" Some of the women with us couldn't even walk by this time. Not me of course, I was still good to go. Back to the hotel and the bar downsatirs. Are you nuts, we have to bowl again in the morning?

Sunday morning- everybody crawls (literally) out of bed-showers- eats breakfast and by 8:30 am we are drinking shots already! WTF! On to the bowling alley and bloody marys (those are nutritious right?) while waiting to bowl. Again we could earn beads by shots and specialty drinks. Our waiter this day (James- just call me Asshole) was a little more fun and we were inspired to drink a little more.

Here are some of the shots we were drinking: Pantie droppers, Little stiffys, Comfortable screws, Blow jobs, Still a virgin, and Blue balls. How many did I drink? Let me just say that my Grandchildren have enough beads to make them very happy for a while!

Done bowling and back on the bus for the trip back home. Everyone is in a really good mood. They're tired, buzzed and happy to be on their way home. But wait there's still food and alcohol left in our coolers! We can't take any of that home with us, so the food starts getting passed around the bus again and the coolers are opened and the beer and booze get opened and drank. The shots get poured and things get toasted (and so do several people) but hey one good thing comes of it. That gallon of homemade Apple Pie we vowed was going to get finished becomes a dead soldier! WooHoo!

The minute the bus pulls back into the parking lot and we see all our cars and spouses, we return to normal. No more shouting, butt banging, boob showing, beer guzzling, shot swilling, bar dancing party animals- just tired, glad to be home wives and girlfriends ready to relax. I unpack, climb in my jammies, cuddle with the Hubbs for awhile and then I am down for the night.

As I'm writing this and remembering all the things I did and my body is protesting the weekend, I know why I haven't gone for the past few years. I think I'll pass on State tournament next year too. I am in control of my senses once more (at least for now) and will say NO if asked to go again.